I don't think he understands just how much I want him. I much I want to be by his side, in his life, in his daughters'. I want this relationship to work more than anything, and I know I shouldn't. He hasn't told his baby mama about me and I fear he still wants her. It makes me so sad. And I feel vulnerable and lonely. I think about leaving him and it hurts. It's hard to admit, and I don't even want to think about it until his deadline. He has until the 26th of December to tell her, or I leave. I don't get to see him very often now, but I'm hoping since winter break is here, we'll have time. I miss him a lot, and it's not fair. I'm not even sure of his feelings towards me. I'm afraid they may not be the same as mine. I hope to see him soon; in the next few days.
My boyfriend hasn't told his baby mama that he's been dating anyone (me) yet and it's been over two months. It sucks. I want to be free to tell people who my friends are. I want to be able to take pictures with him or brag about him to my friends, but I can't because he's afraid of his baby mama. I think he's afraid she'd take the baby.
I wish he would step up, be a man and take charge. I wish he would take at least partial custody so he wouldn't have to worry about the woman taking the baby from him.
I mean, I want to be able to see the baby too. I want to be able to get close to the family like most people in a relationship do, but I can't with him being afraid of her.
I've never been the girl friend of a dad before. I'm not sure if it's like this with everyone, but it kind of hurts.
Last night, my depression went so low. I wanted to pop a whole bottle of anti depressants. I know it's only because of my insomnia. Not being able to sleep has gotten me so depressed lately. I feel like a disgusting bum. I've gained weight because I've been too tired to exercise and I've just stopped caring about my schooling...I mean, I do care, I care a lot, but I haven't had the motivation to study.
Sometimes I wish I could live without having to eat. I feel so gross after eating something. Probably because I eat the wrong things sometimes...
Previous PostsI want him so much it scares me, posted December 13th, 2012
I am his secret, posted November 21st, 2012
I hate this, posted November 12th, 2012
Food is gross, posted November 11th, 2012
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